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His favourite haunt at this time was a retired meadow, which bordered on the Avon. A steep bank shaded by some fine trees, one of which by its projection formed a promontory in a deep part of the stream, was his common seat. On the 25th of October, he says, “Walked with pencil and book, and wrote. A charming day, I was sitting by the river-side, with my back to the water, on a portable seat, when suddenly it struck me that it was not quite safe. Writing, I might be absent, and suddenly slip off, &c. I moved therefore a few yards, and placed my stool on the grass, when in four or five minutes it suddenly broke, and I fell flat on my back, as if shot. Had it happened five minutes sooner, as I cannot swim, I must, a thousand to one, have been drowned, for I sat so that I must have fallen backwards into the river. I had not the smallest fear or idea of the seat’s breaking with me; and it is very remarkable, that I had rather moved about while by the river, which would have been more likely to break it, whereas I sat quite still when on the grass. A most providential escape. Let me praise God for it.”
Date: October 25, 1803
Volume 3: Page 132
Posted: 20250409
“Pray to God—
“For thyself—that thou mayst be accepted in the Beloved; that thou mayst be supported under what ever trials it may please God to expose thee to; and if it be His holy will, but not otherwise, that thou mayst be continued with thy wife and children in the enjoyment of domestic peace and happiness.
“For thy country—that God would have mercy on us, and deliver us from the power of our enemies; that He would also bless to us our difficulties and dangers, and cause them to be the means of our turning to Him with repentance and holy obedience; that He would restore to us the blessing of peace, and sanctify to us our enjoyments.
“For our rulers—the King and his ministers, and all the public functionaries.
“For my friends, acquaintances, and connexions, particularly for those whom I habitually remember in my prayers.”—[Here a list.] “Another class,”—[Here a list of his early connexions, including many political friends.] “These are relics of old times. I would especially implore the Divine mercy for Pitt, who is peculiarly exposed.
“Let me pray fervently and sincerely for our enemies, that God would have pity on them, that He would turn their hearts, &c.
“Let me pray for all my fellow-creatures, for all that are in pagan ignorance, particularly for the poor negroes, both in Africa and the West Indies. O Lord, do Thou at length visit them with spiritual blessings and a termination of their temporal sufferings. Amen.
“And to all my supplications and intercessions, let me add abundant and warm thanksgivings; for, O Lord, Thou hast been to us, and above all to me, abundant in loving-kindness. For our unequalled national blessings, both temporal and spiritual. Run them over in detail, whether as exemption from evils, or possession of goods, &c.
“For my own blessings. So peculiarly full a cup amidst so liberal a banquet. All around me are feasting, but mine is Benjamin’s mess. Consider, O my soul, thy country; the period of the world wherein thy lot is cast; thy station in life; thy personal circumstances as to body and mind; thy externals—rank, fortune, favour with men, and especially numerous, kind, and useful friends; the events of thy life; thy having been kept out of office, and too intimate connexion with political companions; thy being kept from utter falling, &c.” [Here an enumeration of particulars like that before given.]
Date: October 19, 1803
Volume 3: Pages 128-129
Posted: 20250402
The following extracts are from his entry on the public fast day in the succeeding month, the appointment of which he had himself been instrumental in procuring.
“It becomes me on this day to humble myself before the Lord; first, for national sins, those especially wherein I have any share. And alas, I may too justly be said to be chargeable with a measure of that guilt, which I have not sufficiently tried to prevent. Have I then used my utmost endeavours to amend the public, or my own particular circle, or even my own family. Who knows but that if I had been sufficiently on the watch, and had duly improved all the opportunities of doing good, and preventing evil, which have been afforded me, many who are now strangers and enemies to God might have become known and reconciled to Him? Many grievous sins, which greatly swell the sum of our national account, might never have existed. What openings for usefulness have I enjoyed as an M. P. both in and out of the House of Commons; as an author, actual and possible; as a friend, an acquaintance, a master, &c. Alas, which way soever I look, I see abundant cause for deep humiliation. How much guilt might I have kept out of existence, and consequently how much misery:—East Indian idolatries; internal profaneness; even Slave Trade. And especially, have I sufficiently supplicated God, and done my utmost in this most effectual way, by calling in His aid?
“Secondly, for my own manifold transgressions. These I have down on another paper; they are present with me, and I humbly hope I lament them before God. We know not what scenes we may be called on to witness. My own death may be at hand. O then, while it is day, work out, O my soul, thy own salvation.”
Date: October 19, 1803
Volume 3: Pages 127-128
Posted: 20250326
On the same day the following plan appears to have been inserted in his Diary. “As I am likely D. V.* to continue here three months, and to enjoy more leisure than usual, I proceed to fix the objects of my attention, and will be as diligent as a due care for the recovery of my health will admit. I will adhere to my plan as closely as I well can, having employments suited to different states of understanding, so that without fatigue I may yet be always employed. In the morning I will try to get two or three hours for composition—drawing up, and storing topics, &c. (After having read Brougham on Colonial Policy, and Adam Smith.) I will have in reading a book for minor attention, (into which class may come any novels, plays, or other works of imagination,) for seasons when unfit for much mental application. I mean to read the Greek Testament for at least half an hour daily, and to meditate over parts before read with my morning prayers. Walking out, to learn passages by heart, and keep them up. In conversation to adhere to plan, to have topics ready. I must keep a time account, beginning it to-morrow, and try to redeem time on Sundays for serious, as on common days for general purposes; except that a walk, meditating and solitary, to be a part, when fine, of Sunday’s occupations, for I never find my mind more lifted up to God than when thus meditating sub Dio.** May the Lord bless my plan, and enable me to redeem the time in future, and to live by rule, (yet never peevish when broken in upon,) and whether I eat or drink, or whatever I do, to do all to the glory of God.”
*D. V. = Deo volente, Latin for “God willing.”
**“in the open air”
Date: September 9, 1803
Volume 3: Pages 126-127
Posted: 20250319
“After having lamented my sins before God, that I may feel them the more, and the contrition which they should produce, let me meditate awhile on the guilt of sin, on the majesty and holiness of God, on the base ingratitude and sottish stupidity of man. I will read (meditating-way) Witherspoon’s excellent sermon, ‘A View of the Glory of God, humbling to the Soul.’ O Lord, let Thy Spirit accompany me, let it make me see and feel towards sin as Thou dost, and long to be delivered from every remainder of my corruptions, and to be holy as Thou art holy. (I am reminded, by thinking I hear somebody coming, to pray ejaculatorily to God, to keep me from peevishness if I am interrupted. I have taken the best precautions against it, let me desire this day particularly to be full of love, meekness, and self-denial.)
“It is near half-past two; I have been hitherto quite free from interruption, and even the fear of it. Let me now go to prayer, after a short meditation on the promises of God. I have been large, though how imperfect, in confession. It remains for me to supplicate for the pardon of my sins, and for growth in grace—for a blessing on this place and its employments—for a blessing on my intercourse with others. (Constant previous ejaculatory prayer.) Intercession for country and mankind—slaves—enemies—then for servants—friends—enumeration of different classes, and wife and children. Then thanksgiving enumeration. O Lord, give me Thy Spirit to help me to pray, and praise Thee acceptably, to worship in spirit and in truth. Amen.”
Such was the incense which this day ascended from the river’s bank, where, like the prophet-courtier of old, he poured forth his meditations.*
*Dan. 10:4
Date: September 9, 1803
Volume 3: Pages 125-126
Posted: 20250312
“How greatly are my sins aggravated by the extreme goodness to me of my God and Saviour! I am encumbered with blessings, my cup is so full of them as to overflow. During life all has gone well with me, so far as God has ordered matters, and all the evil has been the result of my own follies. All that I enjoy has been from God—all I suffer from myself. My temporal blessings are superior to those of almost any human being who ever existed. But then my spiritual! Born in the happiest country, at a season of the greatest enjoyment, for hitherto I have suffered nothing from the storms which have raged around me. In a condition of life perhaps the happiest of all, except that possibly a little lower might be both safer and happier, (because I can live less to myself, less in the privacy and quiet I am now enjoying,) but mine is surely one of the very happiest. Then as to what is personal—good natural talents, though not duly improved, and injured by early neglect; a cheerful and naturally sweet temper (a great blessing); the want of that proud self-confidence, (though this has grown in me to the fault of too great diffidence,) which is unfavourable to the reception of religion; a most enjoyable constitution, though not a strong one; an amide fortune, and a generous disposition in money matters. (I speak of this as mere natural temper, not as having in it the smallest merit, for I hope, at this moment, I can feel that it is no more than any other natural instinct, except as referred to the will and power of God.) To these blessings have been added most affectionate friends, and near relatives.” [Here a reference to his domestic relations.] “My being honoured with the Abolition cause is a great blessing.
“But far more my spiritual blessings. How few are there in parliament on whom the mercy of God has been so bounteously vouchsafed! On none of the early acquaintances with whom I entered life. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits. Above all, let me adore God’s unspeakable kindness and long-suffering, in not being prevented from calling me to His fold, by the foreknowledge which He had of my hardness of heart and ingratitude. Then the preventing grace of God. What else has prevented me from bringing a scandal on my profession and Thy cause?” [Here a reference to some occasions in which he supposed himself in especial danger.] “Let the impression of these incidents ever remain with me, to humble me, to keep me mindful how weak I am in myself, how constantly I need the grace of God, how carefully I should avoid all temptation but such as occurs in the path of duty.”
Date: September 9, 1803
Volume 3: Pages 123-125
Posted: 20250305
The public dangers which at this time beset the nation induced him to make his residence at Bath Easton a season of more than usual devotion: and the record of his employments on the first Friday after his arrival there, shows how he usually spent the days which he devoted to religious services. “Friday, Sept. 9th, half-past eleven. Destined this day for fast-day, meo more,* with that degree of abstinence which may best qualify my weak body to go through the day without molesting the soul. My chief objects in this act of humiliation are, to deplore the sins of our country, and still more my own grievous share of them; my manifold provocations of the righteous displeasure of my God and Saviour. To deprecate the wrath of God from our land, and draw down His blessings on us. I would also beg a blessing on our residence at this place, that my time here may tend to my religious advancement, that it may be productive also of benefit to my children and family, and to others with whom the providence of God connects me.
“For instances of the language of good men in acts of humiliation, vid. Dan. ix. 3-21. A fast-day, Neh. ix. 1; Jonah iii. 5.” Here a reference in his Journal to many other passages of Scripture, with a summary of their contents, which appear to have made subjects of meditation.
“Half-past twelve—Let me go now to confession and humiliation, in direct prayer, for my time wears away. Let me deplore my past sins—many years in which I lived without God in the world—then my sins since my having in some degree become acquainted with him in 1785-6. My actual state—my not having duly improved my talents—my chief besetting sins.” [Here a reference to a private paper carried about him.] “(My birth-day was worse kept this year than I have long known it, from its being my last day at a friend’s house. This therefore to be a sort of birth-day review. I am come here into the arbour by the river side, and am quite secure from interruption.) How greatly are my sins aggravated by the extreme goodness to me of my God and Saviour! I am encumbered with blessings, my cup is so full of them as to overflow.”
*as is my custom
Date: September 9, 1803
Volume 3: Pages 122-123
Posted: 20241221
On the 3rd of September at the village of Bath Easton, where he designed to lake up his quarters for the remainder of the vacation. “Delighted with the beauty of our new villa. Weather delicious. Afternoon and evening read and heard, out of doors, in a lovely arbour by the river. This is a beautiful country; our house exactly like Westmoreland, saving lakes.” [Aug 31] “I am now come,” he says on the first Sunday after his arrival, [Sept 4] “to a place where there is a prospect of my living in more quiet than I have long enjoyed. Oh may I improve it for the best purposes. May I remember that such a precious opportunity as this place affords me of keeping my heart, and making a progress in divine things, may never occur again; that I shall have to render account of it as of a talent committed to my stewardship.” He was “occupied chiefly on letters till arrears of correspondence were paid off. Last night had twenty letters ready. Reading a little Hume in dressing, also Greek Testament. Evening, on the water.”
Date: Late August/Early September 1803
Volume 3: Pages 121-122
Posted: 20240811
“Much time consumed about letters—a great accumulation of these, and necessity of writing to stir up and do good in various ways; and,” not the least characteristic, “visiting daily the sick-room of one of Mr. Smith’s* footmen, to read and pray with him.” Aug. 5th. “A charming day. Walked about an hour with Cowper’s Poems—delightful—park—deer—water—wood. Delightful walk in the evening—a most romantic scene for a gentleman’s park. They [i.e., the Smiths] have family prayers night and morning. What a lesson to try to do good by speaking to others! I remember when at Wilford, many years ago, I mentioned to my cousin about family prayers, and he adopted the custom the very next night.”
*Samuel Smith, MP and banker. At this time, Wilberforce and his family were staying with the Smiths at their Wood Hall residence in Hertfordshire.
Date: August 1803
Volume 3: Pages 111-112
Posted: 20240804
“I fear I did not act honestly in persuading myself that I might neglect the House of Commons yesterday for Lord St. Helen’s, whom I had asked to dinner. It is dangerous to act contrary to conscience, in little things as well as great. It is tempting God to withdraw His Holy Spirit. That way of persuading ourselves, which we are apt to practise, when inclined to a thing which the first simple suggestion of conscience opposes, is to be carefully watched against. Yet we seem not to be deceived either, but to see as it were out of the corner of our eye the right all the while.”
Date: July 17, 1803
Volume 3: Pages 108-109
Posted: 20240728
His Journal during this year is more than usually full of the secret workings of his mind. “What a mystery of iniquity,” he says, “is the human heart! How forcibly do thoughts of worldly pursuits intrude into the mind during the devotional exercises, and how obstinately do they maintain their place, and when excluded, how incessantly do they renew their attacks!—which yet the moment our devotional exercises are over, fly away of themselves… And on a following Sunday—“I have been at prayer, and I hope with some fervency of desire for the blessings for which I prayed; but alas, my worldly mind! Surely it is the temptation of the evil spirit. Having called for the first time at Grant’s on the way from church, and having talked quite at random of my probably taking a house near him with a back door to Museum Gardens, my mind keeps running on it; it absolutely haunts me, and will recur do all I can. Oh may Christ by His Spirit give me that self-possession and sobriety of mind, that low estimate of temporal things, that strong impression of their uncertainty and transitoriness, that I may not be thus at the mercy, the mere sport of my imagination. In these times especially (yesterday the news of Lord Whitworth’s leaving Paris, and consequent expectation of was) I should be weaned from this world, and be as one who is here a stranger and a pilgrim.”
Date: April-May 1803
Volume 3: Pages 97-98
Posted: 20240716
“7th. Morning, on opening the Bible, after praying to God for guidance and protection, I accidentally just glanced my eye on Jeremiah xxxix. 16–18.* Oh that I may have God for a refuge, and then it matters not what befalls me. I would not lay much stress on such incidents, because we are not warranted so to do by the word of God, but it seemed fit to be noticed and
recorded.”
*“Go and speak to Ebed-Melech the Ethiopian, saying, ‘Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel: “Behold, I will bring My words upon this city for adversity and not for good, and they shall be performed in that day before you. But I will deliver you in that day,” says the Lord, “and you shall not be given into the hand of the men of whom you are afraid. For I will surely deliver you, and you shall not fall by the sword; but your life shall be as a prize to you, because you have put your trust in Me,” says the Lord.’” (NKJV)
Date: May 7, 1803
Volume 3: Page 97
Posted: 20240707
The following day brought him back to London, and a host of occupations. On the Saturday evening, he speaks of “combating his dulness by prayer and meditation, in order to fit myself for to-morrow, especially as I have had so little time for religious offices this week. I have found evil from not trying to improve Saturday evenings, and to be earlier on Sunday mornings for God. I must endeavour D. G. to mend here.” This labour was not thrown away. “O blessed day,” he says on Sunday, “which allows us a precious interval wherein to pause, to come out from the thickets [the bush] of worldly concerns, and to give ourselves up to heavenly and spiritual objects. And oh what language can do justice to the emotions of gratitude which ought to fill my heart, when I consider how few of my fellows know and feel its value and proper uses? Oh the infinite goodness and mercy of my God and Saviour!”
Date: May 1-2, 1803
Volume 3: Pages 96-97
Posted: 20240623
“Tuesday. After breakfast long discussion with Pitt. Talked about navy’s state, as day before. Then read loungingly, and walked out. I fear the morning was too much wasted, and grieved on reflection that I had not talked at all to Pitt on Abolition, though I deliberately think it would have done no good. I fear my frame of mind is not quite what it ought to be; for though my spirits are often low in the society of these friends, yet I do not feel enough a lively and tender concern for their spiritual state. O Lord, make me more transformed into Thine image.”
Date: April 27, 1803
Volume 3: Page 96
Posted: 20240609
The tone in which this letter* closes is preserved in his Diary, when three days later, “Lord Bathurst called and told” him “about the negociation between Pitt and Addington.” “What a worldly spirit did this conversation create in me, from the consciousness of being the depositary of secrets! Yet my better judgment resists these emotions, and suggests to me that these things are low compared with a Christian’s objects. I find reason to thank God for my marriage, which, by shutting me out more from the world, has tended to keep me from its infection. Oh may my conversation be in heaven! In the same spirit, he says a few days later, when he was “much pressed by Lord Camden and Pitt to go to Wilderness, Lord Camden’s, to meet Pitt, and hear the account of the late negociation. I have consented. I hope it is right. Oh let me beware, lest I grow fond of the world. I am going into a trying scene; may I be so strengthened as to come out unhurt. O Lord, quicken me; fill me with heavenly-mindedness, and peace, and joy.”
*Cf. Reflection 36
Date: April 24, 1803
Volume 3: Page 95
Posted: 20240602
“O my dear friend, I wish I were out of the bustle. How ardently do I pant for the shade! If I durst carve for myself I would not continue a week longer in harness. But I am ashamed, overflowing as my cup is with blessings, to say any thing which implies dissatisfaction with my condition. Never had man more cause for thankfulness, and I ought to be more actively grateful than I am.”
Date: April 16, 1803
Volume 3: Page 94
Posted: 20240526
The designers of the new society proposed to combine for this common object the scattered energies of all professing Christians; and so to create a mighty instrument for the circulation of the truth… The evil which has waited on this good, has been incidental in its character, and confined, perhaps almost entirely, to the public meetings. Nor should those who view it in its consequences, forget the different position of its founders. Mr. Wilberforce saw no danger to the Church from the cooperation of Dissenters, who at that time professed an affectionate regard for the national establishment. Bishops Porteus and Barrington, who had supported his efforts for enforcing the King’s proclamation, readily joined with him here; and by no other machinery could the result have been obtained. So great was the torpor of the Church, that all more strictly regular exertions had absolutely failed, and they who devised this powerful instrument of good, are hardly to be blamed, though they have with a holy daring called up a spirit too mighty for their absolute control.
Date: March-April 1803
Volume 3: Pages 90-92
Posted: 20240521
It was at this very time, amidst the din of warlike preparation, that the foundation-stone was laid of an institution which was to leaven all nations with the principles of peace. The great difficulty of obtaining Bibles for home, and still more foreign, circulation, had for some years been a matter of unavailing complaint. A new scheme to effect this purpose was now in agitation. The designers of the new society proposed to combine for this common object the scattered energies of all professing Christians; and so to create a mighty instrument for the circulation of the truth. Mr. Wilberforce had secretly done much in this very work [fn. Thus the clergy of East Farleigh and some surrounding parishes, to take one out of many instances, appear to have been supplied many years ago with Bibles by his private charity.]; and the catholic aspect worn by this new society delighted his large and liberal mind. He was accordingly one of its first framers. “Hughes, Reyner, and Grant breakfasted with me,” says his Diary, “on Bible Society formation.” And a few days later, “city—Bible Society proposal.” Here, as he would often mention, “a few of us met together at Mr. Hardcastle’s counting-house, at a later hour than suited city habits, out of a regard to my convenience, and yet on so dark a morning that we discussed by candle-light, while we resolved upon the establishment of the Bible Society.”
Little did it promise, when thus planted as ‘the smallest of seeds,’ to grow to such a goodly stature amongst the trees of the forest… The good that it has effected has been great beyond the utmost expectation of its founders, both in the circulation of the word of God and in awakening the zeal of a careless generation.
Note: In the spring of 1804, the British and Foreign Bible Society was officially formed. Also known as the Bible Society, its work continues today and can be found at www.biblesociety.org.uk.
Date: March-April 1803
Volume 3: Pages 90-91
Posted: 20240505
“I am grieved to tell you, from the concurrent testimony of several well-informed persons who have lately been in France, that there exists pretty generally a rooted hatred of Great Britain. It is conceived that the war must have ended much sooner but for us. Envy, jealousy, vanity, all conspire to foment this spirit of hostility. How shocking this! My heart is heavy when I think of it. May you and I be enabled to live more and more above this world, and habitually to have our conversation, our citizenship in heaven.”
Date: March 22, 1803
Volume 3: Page 89
Posted: 20240428
“[There is] a certain illness which is going through all London, called from its generality the influenza… It is attended with great temporary prostration of strength, fever, attacks in the head, bowels, and lungs. I conceive it is this complaint under which I have laboured, for I am only now recovering, I thank God, after a more serious illness than I have had for many years. But this, as well as every other dispensation, has furnished abundant matter for thankfulness. I suffered no pain worth speaking of; I had every possible comfort; my mind was in a very tranquil, comfortable state, and the Dean of Carlisle happened, as we speak, to be upon the point of coming up, and was an unspeakable comfort to my wife.” The complaint ran through his family, and long threatened fatal consequences to his eldest daughter.
Date: Early March 1803
Volume 3: Page 87
Posted: 20240423
He was still at Broomfield; and whilst even there, his time fled so “inconceivably fast that, though” he was “never idle,” he knew not how to find leisure for “a pamphlet he longed to write upon the Slave business before the Abolition question conies on;” yet “he shrank back” still more “from the approaching bustle and turmoil of the great city. Certainly the quiet of a country life is most congenial with all our best dispositions. Our blessed Saviour, however, mixed in the busy haunts of men. May I be enabled to do it more in His spirit—not slothful in business, but serving the Lord; and not solicitous about the favour or the praises of men.”
Date: January 27, 31, 1803
Volume 3: Pages 84-85
Posted: 20240414
Finley was an officer in the army, the son of a clergyman whose venerable widow still survived. “He had been patronized,” Mr. Wilberforce writes to Mr. Babington, “by the Marquis of Buckingham, Windham, and others; and being dissipated and profuse beyond bis means, is now under sentence of death for forgery, and sure to suffer. I heard of him through his wife, a poor Scotch girl, young and handsome, whom he had brought out of the north, and who has not a friend or an acquaintance in London, while, poor soul, she has a sucking child at the breast. I heard some things of the man which made me entertain an indifferent opinion of him, and was averse to sending any clergyman to him; but my dear wife prevailed on me to do it, and I put Doddridge’s Rise and Progress into his hands, and [Rev. Samuel] Crowther undertook to visit him. To be short, we trust it has pleased God to bless the means which we have used, and that the poor man is a true convert. Providentially he has had far more time than usual for preparation, and, as he remarked himself when I was with him the other day, he has enjoyed much more space and leisure for religious consideration than if he had been lying on a sick-bed. His venerable mother, a most pleasing old woman above fourscore, told me with tears, that she was indebted to me beyond what language could express for having been the instrument of her son’s happy change.”
Date: Late January 1803
Volume 3: Pages 82-83
Posted: 20240407
The new year began with his receiving the Holy Communion, and forming vows of more devoted service. “I will press forward and labour to know God better, and love Him more—assuredly I may, because God will give His Holy Spirit to them that ask Him, and the Holy Ghost will shed abroad the love of God in the heart. Oh then pray—pray—be earnest—press forward and follow on to know the Lord. Without watchfulness, humiliation, and prayer, the sense of Divine things must languish, as much as the grass withers for want of refreshing rains and dews. The word of God and the lives of good men give us reason to believe, that without these there can be no lively exercise of Christian graces. Trifle not then, O my soul, with thy immortal interests. Heaven is not to be won without labour. Oh then press forward: whatever else is neglected, let this one thing needful be attended to; then will God bless thee. I will try to retire at nine or half-past, and every evening give half an hour, or an hour, to secret exercises, endeavouring to raise my mind more, and that it may be more warmed with heavenly fire. Help me, O Lord—without Thee I can do nothing. Let me strive to maintain a uniform frame of gratitude, veneration, love, and humility, not unelevated with holy confidence, and trembling hope in the mercies of that God, whose ways are not as our ways, nor His thoughts as our thoughts. I should almost despair of myself, but for His promises. Strive, O my soul, to maintain and keep alive impressions, first, of the constant presence of a holy, omniscient, omnipotent, but infinitely merciful and gracious God, of Christ our Almighty Shepherd, of the Holy Spirit, of the evil one, and the invisible world in general. Secondly, of the real nature and malignity of sin, as a holy curb on my inclinations, which will check me and keep me from evil. Thirdly, of my own vileness and unprofitableness. And to these let me add a fourth, a sense of the multiplied blessings of my situation. Surely never cup was so full. Oh that I were more thankful! My ingratitude should humble me in the dust.”
Date: January 2, 1803
Volume 3: Pages 79-81
Posted: 20240331
The year concludes with some striking secret meditations. “How many and great corruptions does the House of Commons discover to me in myself! What love of worldly estimation, vanity, earthly-mindedness! How different should be the frame of a real Christian, who, poor in spirit, and feeling himself a stranger and a pilgrim on earth, is looking for the coming of his Lord and Saviour; who longs to be delivered from the present evil world, and to see God as He is! I know that this world is passing away, and that the favour of God, and a share in the blessings of the Redeemer’s purchase, are alone worthy of the pursuit of a rational being: but alas! alas! I scarcely dare say I love God and His ways. If I have made any progress, it is in the clearer discovery of my own exceeding sinfulness and weakness. Yet I am convinced it is my own fault. Let me not acquiesce then in my sinful state, as if it were not to be escaped from. Thanks be to God, who giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Yes, we may, I may, become holy. Press forward then, O my soul. Strive more vigorously. God and Christ will not refuse Their help. And may the emotions I have been now experiencing, be the gracious motions of the divine Spirit, quickening my dead heart, and bringing me from the power of Satan unto God.”
Date: Late December 1802
Volume 3: Pages 77-78
Posted: 20240325
“O my dear Babington,* how little is all this varied scene of things regarded as the stage on which the Supreme Being is exhibiting His attributes, and guiding all the movements, however complicated, however minute or obscure, and causing them to effect the purposes He has fore-ordained! How thankful should we be, that He has pointed out to us the means whereby, whatever may become of our temporal interests, our eternal concerns may be placed beyond the reach of danger.”
*Thomas Babington (1758-1837): English philanthropist, politician, and abolitionist
Date: November 16, 1802
Volume 3: Page 74
Posted: 20240317
“May it please God, long to continue to us your valuable labours, and bless you, as He has hitherto done, with the invention, the judgment, and the various powers of execution required for enabling you to discharge with effect your difficult services. Accept all this warm from the heart.”
Date: November 2, 1802
Volume 3: Page 73
Posted: 20240310
The whole of this autumn was spent at Broomfield; and his plans of study were often interrupted by its neighbourhood to London. “I have found myself so incessantly worried here with company, that I am meditating to retire to some other place for quiet. I know too well ‘caelum non animum mutant,’ &c. Yet much company is the bane of grace in the soul, and my time withheld from the best of worldly society is worn away by ‘the minor poets.’”
Commentary: This paragraph becomes all the more fascinating when the Latin proverb he cites is accounted for. At the beginning, he laments the incursion of less than desirable company. He notes his consideration of going elsewhere, then cites Horace. The full proverb reads “caelum, non animum, mutant, qui trans mare currunt,” which can be translated, “they change their clime, not their mind, who rush across the sea.”* With this, he seems to acknowledge his response to the interruptions as a heart issue. That is, changing scenery will be useful, but there’s something going on in his heart (irritation?) that needs to be addressed as well – and a change in scenery won’t change that. He concludes by remarking that “much company” is distressing to his soul and crowding out the benefits of better company. What’s particularly intriguing (and not a little witty) is his comment that “the best of worldly society is worn away by ‘the minor poets.’” This is so because he quotes a major poet (Horace) to critique himself and alludes to “minor ones,” which seems to be the incessant company he’d rather forego.
*Source: https://www.loebclassics.com/view/horace-epistles/1926/pb_LCL194.325.xml
Date: September 12, 1802
Volume 3: Page 65
Posted: 20240303
“I have lately been led to think of that part of my life wherein I lived without God in the world, wasting and even abusing all the faculties He had given me for His glory. Surely when I think of the way in which I went on for many years, from about sixteen to 1785-6, I can only fall down with astonishment as well as humiliation before the throne of grace, and adore with wonder, no less than remorse and gratitude, that infinite mercy of God which did not cast me off, but on the contrary, guiding me by a way which I knew not, led me to those from whom I was to receive the knowledge of salvation, (not more manifestly His work was St. Paul’s instruction by Ananias,) and above all, softened my hard heart, fixed my inconstant temper, and though with sad occasional relapses, and above all, shameful unprofitableness, has enabled me to continue until this day. Praise the Lord, O my soul!”
Date: September 19, 1802
Volume 3: Pages 64-65
Posted: 20240225
And again, “I am this morning deeply impressed with a sense of the importance and reality of Divine things, and I have prayed with more fervour than usual that God would increase in me His love, and that Christ may dwell in my heart by faith, that I may pass the day in His fear and love. Alas! some thoughts have shot across my heart as if it were a slavery and galling restraint thus to have God always over me. I hope the suggestion was grievous to me; but how much more, even against my clear judgment, do I find myself affected by earthly than by heavenly things—political topics, House of Commons’ treatment, &c.: alas, that these trifles of a day should interest my feelings so warmly! I ought indeed to engage in them ‘fervently in spirit,’ but yet with a heart conscious that it is discharging a duty, not as if it were to my taste. Oh how sadly I fear does love of human estimation still subsist within me! How little do I love my fellow-creatures, especially my enemies, with the love of a real Christian! How little am I duly affected with the sad state of careless or ungodly acquaintance!”
Date: September 19, 1802
Volume 3: Page 64
Posted: 20240218
Again he says, “Is it that my devotions are too much hurried, that I do not read Scripture enough, or how is it, that I leave with reluctance the mere chit-chat of Boswell’s Johnson,* for what ought to be the grateful offices of prayer and praise? Yet if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of His. I must then grow in grace. I must love God more. I must feel the power of Divine things more. Whether I am more or less learned signifies not. Whether even I execute the work which I deem useful is comparatively unimportant. But beware, O my soul, of lukewarmness.–I feel it difficult to adjust the due degree of time to be allotted to prayer, Scripture reading, and other religious exercises. God loves mercy better than sacrifice, and there is a danger of a superstitious spirit, of being led to depend on the forms of religion. Yet the experience and example of good men seems a fair guide. At all events however, some way or other, my affections must be set on things above. God is willing to supply our needs. They who wait on Him shall renew their strength. I humbly trust in His promises.”
*I.e., James Boswell’s Life of Samuel Johnson (1791)
Date: September 19, 1802
Volume 3: Pages 63-64
Posted: 20240211
“I fear,” he says in the course of the next month, “that I have not studied the Scriptures enough. Surely in the summer recess I ought to read Scripture an hour or two every day, besides prayer, devotional reading, and meditation. God will prosper me better if I wait on Him. The experience of all good men shows, that without constant prayer and watchfulness the life of God in the soul stagnates. Doddridge’s morning and evening devotions were serious matters. Colonel Gardiner always spent hours in prayer in the morning before he came forth. Bonnell practiced private devotions largely morning and evening, (Life, 129,) and repeated Psalms, dressing and undressing, to raise his mind to heavenly things. I would look up to God to make the means effectual, but let me use them with humble thankfulness, and bless God for the almost unequalled advantages and privileges I enjoy.”
Date: September 19, 1802
Volume 3: Pages 62-63
Posted: 20240204
“Oh let me record His signal mercies during the past year. My health has been uniformly good till lately; and now I suffer no pain. Many instances of mortality around me of younger and stronger men, and I am spared. My children, who were all ill last winter, have enjoyed remarkably good health. And can it be aught but the mercy of God which overruled the hearts of my friends in Yorkshire, and rendered them all so kind and zealous towards me, though I had never been there since the former election? All went off well.
“Indeed, who is there that has so many blessings? Let me record some of them:—Affluence, without the highest rank. A good understanding and a happy temper. Kind friends, and a greater number than almost any one. Domestic happiness beyond what could have been conceived possible. A situation in life most honourable; and above all, a most favourable situation for eternity—the means of grace in abundance, and repeated motions of conscience, the effect, I believe, of the Holy Spirit. Which way soever I turn I see marks of the goodness and long-suffering of God. Oh that I may be more filled with gratitude!
“How merciful that I was not early brought into office, in 1782-3-4! This would probably have prevented my going abroad, with all that through the providence of God followed. Then my having such kind friends, my book, &c. All has succeeded with me, and God has by His preventing grace kept me from publicly disgracing the Christian profession. O my soul, praise the Lord, and forget not all His mercies. God is love, and His promises are sure. What though I have been sadly wanting to myself, yet we are assured that those that come unto Him He will in no wise cast out. I therefore look to Him with humble hope, I disclaim every other plea than that of the publican, offered up through the Redeemer; but I would animate my hopes, trusting in Him that He will perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle me.”
Date: August 24, 1802
Volume 3: Pages 61-62
Posted: 20240118
The recurrence of his birth-day (aet. 43) led him again a few days later to review his situation and employments. He had of late found more time than usual for general reading. To this he was so much devoted, that he found it, he has often said, likely to encroach more than any press of business upon the hours allotted to devotion. “I find books,” he says, “alienate my heart from God as much as any thing. I have been framing a plan of study for myself, but let me remember that one thing is needful, that if my heart cannot be kept in a spiritual state without so much prayer, meditation, Scripture reading, &c. as are incompatible with study and business, I must seek first the righteousness of God. Yet, O Lord, when I think how little I have done, I am ashamed and confounded, and I would fain honour God more than I have yet done.”
Date: August 24, 1802
Volume 3: Pages 60-61
Posted: 20240106
“I have been thinking seriously,” he says a few days later, “and praying to God for direction as to the right employment of my time and direction of my studies: and I put down such propositions as are pretty clear . . . . . All this suggests that I should misapply my few remaining years, by devoting my whole or even my chief time and efforts to oratory. This may justly occupy some degree of them, especially so far as concerns, first, the invigorating the powers of my mind, and fixing my attention, and exerting at once attention, memory, and invention; and, secondly, the fixing, securing, and retaining necessary knowledge of different kinds, and bringing it forth for use.” But his general conclusion was, “to make the cultivation of these powers his secondary object,” leaving as his “main” object “the promotion of his moral and religions usefulness.”—“Besides,” he adds, “whatever dreams of ambition I may have indulged, it now seems clear, that my part is to give the example of an independent member of parliament, and a man of religion, discharging with activity and fidelity the duties of his trust, and not seeking to render his parliamentary station a ladder by which to rise to a higher eminence. What has passed of late years, (the number of country gentlemen made peers, &c.) renders it particularly necessary to give this lesson; and from whom can it be required, if not from him who professes to have set his affections on things above, and to consider himself as a stranger and a pilgrim on the earth? If it should ever please God to call me to any situation of power, or to any higher eminence, which I do not expect, He would furnish me with the talents necessary for the discharge of its duties. But as this is highly improbable, I should do wrong to sacrifice an opportunity of usefulness which is within my reach, in order to qualify myself for a station I am not likely ever to fill.”
Date: August 17, 1802
Volume 3: Pages 59-60
Posted: 20231215
“I am tempted to think that it is now too late to mend my plan practically, with any effect; yet as it has pleased God to call me again to parliament, and as the greater my natural infirmities the more every aid is wanted, I am resolved to enter on a course of more systematic retention of the little I know or can acquire, and I mean to note down roughly the scheme of study it will be best for me to pursue. I would not overrate knowledge, or proficiency in any human pursuits or acquirements; but inasmuch as God works by human means, it seems to be our duty to labour diligently in the pursuit of those qualifications, which appear to be the instruments of usefulness for our particular station and occupation in life. Eloquence in its right sense is of great effect in every free community; and as it has pleased God to endow me with a certain natural turn for public speaking, and by His providence to place me in a situation in which there is room for the use of that talent, it seems to be my duty to improve that natural faculty, and cultivate that true, eloquence which alone is suitable to the character of a follower of the Saviour, who was full of love, truth, and lowliness. Besides, the very basis of eloquence, in the sense in which I use it, is wisdom and knowledge, a thorough acquaintance with one’s subject, the sure possession of it, and power of promptly calling up and using it. But let me ever remember here what cause there is for continual watchfulness and godly jealousy, lest the pursuit should lead to an inordinate love of worldly estimation, to vanity, and pride; and if to them, in its consequence to the malignant passions.”
Date: Early August 1802
Volume 3: Pages 58-59
Posted: 20231104
“When I look into my own mind, I find it a perfeet [sic, probably “perfect”] chaos, wherein the little knowledge which I do possess is but confusedly and darkly visible; and where, from the want of classification and recapitulation, and from having satisfied myself with a superficial acquaintance with things, and having propositions brought into and left in my mind, without settling the result, discriminating the true from the false, the certain from the uncertain—I am in truth shamefully ignorant of many subjects which I seem to know, and should be thoroughly acquainted with. What has brought me into this state is a treacherous memory, and my having from nature a quick perception and lively imagination, with an understanding (either naturally or from bad habits) defective in the power of steadily contemplating many objects without confusion. This is really weakness of intellect, but it might have been lessened by early and habitual efforts. The mathematics and algebra would here have been eminently useful to me; method too might have been highly beneficial in keeping me from a habit of half attention.—Alas, these remedies were neglected, and from 17 to 21, when I ought to have been under that strict and wholesome regimen which the peculiar diseases of my intellectual powers seemed to require, I was strengthening these natural maladies: and this till æt. [at the age of] 26. And though since that time I have been endeavouring to employ my talents, in the largest sense, to the glory of God, and the good of man; yet, alas, how ineffectually! and my peculiar situation, and the great variety of things and persons with which it renders me conversant, has kept me sadly back.
Date: Early August 1802
Volume 3: Pages 57-58
Posted: 20231007
A period of unusual leisure seemed now before him, and he entered on it with a degree of deep and serious reflection, for which few find opportunity in the middle of a busy life. He took a calm and thoughtful estimate of his situation and his faculties, inquiring where they were most capable of employment and improvement. The result of these reflections in “the reed house,” (a favourite arbour in his garden,) he “put down on paper, that they might not be the fugitive thoughts of the moment, but the deliberate conclusions of his judgment recorded for his own use; or possibly, that my dear wife, for the benefit of my children, may know the considerations by which I am guided in the direction of my labours and the employment of my time.”
Date: Summer 1802
Volume 3: Page 57
Posted: 20230924
Upon the 21st, “The birth-day of my two eldest children, reached Broomfield safely, I thank God, and found all well, and joyful to see me. I have been received in Yorkshire with the utmost possible kindness, and even zeal. Yet even this shows how uncertain (as we say) is all popularity. God alone can turn the heart. Those most kind whom I had no reason to expect so…”
Date: July 21, 1802
Volume 3: Page 56
Posted: 20230904
“…I fear my pride would be wounded were I to be turned out [of his parliamentary seat]; but after the risings of this bad passion should have been conquered, I own I should rejoice in my liberty. However, I would leave my continuance in public life to Providence, and not retire till its signal be given for my release.” [Feb 24, 1802]
“I can scarcely enough impress you with a sense of the degree in which I shrink from the very idea of a parliamentary struggle. Whether it be the effect of my being so much older, or from some other cause, I quite abhor the prospect of a general election; and to be active in preserving my situation seems like labouring to be permitted to tug at the oar like a galley slave with fetters on my legs and the lash at my back. I pant for quiet and retirement; and what is more, I entertain serious doubt whether I should not act wisely in retiring from my public station, whether I should not be able to promote the glory of God and the good of my fellow-creatures more in private. My pen might then be employed regularly and assiduously. But I am deterred from yielding to the impulse I feel thus to secede, by the fear of carving for myself.” [April 14]
Date: Spring 1802
Volume 3: Page 51-52
Posted: 20230827
“March 1st. Morning, Proclamation Society meeting. Then Civil List Committee—considering Report. Extremely uneasy about the advances to the Princes. Deviation from Burke’s Bill as to classification, and yet I trust I did my duty, and will do it, not with a morbid irritability, but as a Christian ought to do, with a spirit of power and love, and of a sound mind. There is much in the Committee which is too obsequious.”
Date: March 1, 1802
Volume 3: Pages 40-41
Posted: 20230809
“I was pleased, my dear Muncaster, at the ebullition of honest indignation which escaped from you in your last, when speaking on this subject [Abolition]; and I own to you that when I suffer my mind to dwell on the various horrors of which that accursed system of wickedness and cruelty is the author, there is something in its being permitted with so much sang-froid [composure] in this benevolent age, as it affects to be called, which quite overcomes my patience, and sickens me of public life and public men. But the real fault is our thinking better of them in general than they deserve. Alas, my friend, when men do not act from religious principles, little dependence is to be placed on them: I am glad while they travel the same road with me, but I am not much surprised when they part company.”
Date: February 16, 1802
Volume 3: Page 39
Posted: 20230726
“I will only add a few words for myself. It is not (to a friend I may make the avowal) without emotion that I relinquish the idea of being myself the active and chief agent in terminating this greatest of all human evils; but you will readily believe me when I say, that any unpleasant sensations on this head vanish at once before the prospect of effecting the desired object far more radically and completely than by any springs I could set in motion. I hope I can truly assure you also, that it helps to reconcile me to my loss on this occasion, that it would be your gain; and I should look on with joy, if the Disposer of all human events, who has already rendered you the instrument of good to mankind in the termination of one of the most bloody wars that has raged in modern times, should further honour you, by making you His agent in dispensing to the world this greatest and most extended of all earthly benefits.”
Date: January 2, 1802
Volume 3: Page 33
Posted: 20230716
“After much very serious, therefore, and anxious reflection, lest this momentous business [Abolition], which Providence seems in some sort to have committed to my care, should suffer from my mismanagement, I have determined to lay before you in writing a few thoughts, for which I claim your grave and deliberate consideration. By being committed to paper, they will not be of the fugitive and transitory nature of opinions communicated, however earnestly, and heard however attentively, in conversation, but will be a solemn and lasting record of my sentiments, and of the proposal I found on them; a proposal, in which are involved the temporal and eternal interests of a larger proportion of the human species, than probably in any proposition which ever was submitted to any minister.”
Date: January 2, 1802
Volume 3: Pages 28-29
Posted: 20230708
“I know that all external means are nothing without the quickening Spirit: but the Scripture enjoins constant prayer, and the writings and example of all good men suggest and enforce the necessity of a considerable proportion of meditation and other religious exercises, for maintaining the spiritual life vigorous and flourishing. Let me therefore make the effort in humble reliance on Divine grace. God, if He will, can turn the hearts of men, and give me favourable opportunities, and enable me to use them, and more than compensate for all the hours taken from study, business, or civility, and devoted to Him. O God, give me a single heart and a single eye, fixed on Thy favours, and resolutely determined to live to Thy glory, careless whether I succeed or not in worldly concerns, leaving all my human interests and objects to Thee, and beseeching Thee to enable me to set my affections on things above; and walking by faith, to wait on Christ, and live on Him day by day here, till at length, through His infinite and wholly unmerited mercy, I am taken to dwell with Him hereafter in everlasting happiness and glory.”
Date: December 20, 1801
Volume 3: Page 23
Posted: 20230621
“I suspect I have been allotting habitually too little time to religious exercises, as private devotion, religious meditation, Scripture reading, &c. Hence I am lean, and cold, and hard. God, perhaps, would prosper me more in spiritual things if I were to be more diligent in using the means of grace. And though in the main I have thought myself pursuing the course chalked out for me by Providence, and with a diligence prompted and enjoined by the injunctions of Scripture, yet I suspect that I had better allot more time, say two hours or an hour and a half, to religious exercises daily, (besides Sundays,) and try whether by so doing I cannot preserve a frame of spirit more habitually devotional, a more lively sense of unseen things, a warmer love of God, and a greater degree of hunger and thirst after righteousness, a heart less prone to be soiled with worldly cares, designs, passions, and apprehensions, and a real, undissembled longing for heaven, its pleasures, and its purity.”
Date: December 20, 1801
Volume 3: Pages 22-23
Posted: 20230614
There have been many whom the love of ease has shielded from every temptation of ambition; and not a few in whom waywardness of temper has nourished a fierce and untractable independence; but it has seldom happened that one who was possessed of every quality of mind and fortune which could most encourage and reward ambition, has been seen to put away soberly and quietly its utmost offers. This he now did. Those who saw only the result, would never have suspected that his easy course was the result of any struggle—yet so it was: his freedom from ambition was no natural immunity, but a victory of Christian principle. “I have of late,” he says, “perceived on looking inwards, the workings of ambition, of love of this world, its honours, riches, estimation, and even of worldly desires for my family, of which before I do not recollect that I was conscious. The settled judgment of my mind I would humbly hope is right. I trust that I am comparatively indifferent in my cool estimate of things to the goods of this life: but, alas! I become soiled and worldly-minded.” “That our feelings do not correspond with our judgments, is one of the strongest proofs of our depravity and of the double man within us. I believe that retired, domestic life is by far the most happy for me, blessed as I am with affluence, &c. Yet when I see those who were my equals or inferiors, rising above me into stations of wealth, rank, &c. I find myself tempted to desire their stations, which yet I know would not increase my happiness, or even be more truly honourable. I speak not of the desire of an increased power of usefulness. That is another and a right feeling. Mine, against which however in its risings I struggle, and which I strive to suppress, is a sadly depraved appetite, rooted in an inordinate love of this world. Oh may the compunction I now feel be the blessed operation of the Holy Spirit.”
Date: December 20, 1801
Volume 3: Pages 21-22
Posted: 20230607
“God has, of His mercy to this sinful nation, allowed a suspension of the work of death and desolation.* Oh that His alternate scourge and mercies might dispose us to seek Him whilst He may be found, to humble ourselves before Him, and to confess, praise, honour, and serve Him with our whole heart: but I dread the worst.”
“My days,” he complains, “at this place roll rapidly away, in a most unprofitable and laborious succession of frivolities. Yet I know not how this could be avoided. I am returning soon to the bustle of London and political life. May God protect me by His grace, and enable me to stand the fiery trial. I shall if I honestly wait on Him.”
*A reference to the war with France
Date: October 15, 25, 1801
Volume 3: Page 18
Posted: 20230602
This [Bath] is a sad place for visitors; and as I cannot think it right to say, through my servant, ‘not at home,’* and am not allowed to tell people so myself, I may be interrupted before I have done writing the letter I have promised you…
*He was brought to this conviction by the bluntness of a faithful north-country servant, to whom he had carefully, and as he believed successfully, explained the true meaning of this conventional refusal. A tedious visitor had been suffered to intrude upon his busiest hours, and when he asked, “Why did you show him in? why did you not say that I was not at home?” the answer he received convinced him that he could not lawfully employ this convenient phrase. “So I did, sir,” was the reply, “but he looked so hard at me, as much as to say, I know that you are telling a lie, that I was ashamed to stand to it, so I e’en let him in.”
Date: October 12, 1801
Volume 3: Pages 16-17
Posted: 20230525
His great present object was to relieve that distress, which the failure of the harvest, and the continuance of the war, had produced in the manufacturing districts. “Indifferent health alone prevented” him “from going down into the West Riding, to ascertain facts” for himself; and his private aid was given so liberally, that he speaks of having spent this year almost £3000 more than his income;” and as “thinking in consequence of giving up his villa for a few seasons.” “I should thus save £400 or £500 per annum, which I could give to the poor. Yet to give up the means of receiving friends there, where by attending family prayers, and in other ways, an impression may be made upon them, seems a great concession. And with Broomfield I can by management give away at least one-fourth of my income. O Lord, guide me right. But there or wherever else I am, O Lord, do Thou grant me Thy Holy Spirit to fill me with every Christian grace; love, joy, peace, long-suffering.”
Date: Jan-Feb 1801
Volume 3: Page 3-4
Posted: 20230510
It was well understood that more pacific counsels were to be expected from the new administration,* and many of his friends hoped therefore that Mr. Wilberforce would be included in its number. He himself just felt the influence of the eddy which was sweeping by him. “I am too much for a Christian, yet not greatly, intruded on by earthly things, in consequence of these late political changes, and all the considerations which they call forth. I was for a little intoxicated, and had risings of ambition. Blessed be God for this day of rest and religious occupation, wherein earthly things assume their true size and comparative insignificance; ambition is stunted, and I hope my affections in some degree rise to things above.”
*In March 1801, the ministry passed from William Pitt the Younger to Henry Addington.
Date: February 8, 1801
Volume 3: Page 3
Posted: 20230503
The opening of the nineteenth century was dark and threatening. “What tempests,” says the Journal of January, 1801, “rage around, and how are we urged to seek for that peaceful haven, which alone can insure real security and happiness!”
Date: January 1801
Volume 3: Page 1
Posted: 20230426